Man of His Dreams

John was a nice guy, the kind of guy that women say all men should be - at the same time as they turn them into their personal doormats. And John had a girlfriend, whose name was Jane. In his waking life, John was as gentle as a lamb, but when he fell asleep, he had the habit of sleepwalking. And in his subconscious, he was an entirely different person. (The couple in bed.) John: C'mon Honeybear! You know I wuv you! (He tries to kiss her but she strikes him off.) What's the problem? Jane: I'm just not in the mood. John: Oh well, I guess I'll just go to sleep then. See you in the morning. (He falls asleep for a few seconds, then he rises.) All right, you bitch! INTO THE DOGGIE POSITION! NOW! (His girlfriend excitedly complies - off camera, of course.) (The next morning. John has just woke up.) John: Good morning, Sweetiepie! Why do you have that satisfied expression? You didn't sneak off last night after I fell asleep, did you? Because you know that it would break my heart. By the way, I wanted to stay up last night for The Late Movie. Is that coffee decaf?
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

The Sling

Reginald loved sex. He loved it so much that when he was with his lover in bed, he never wanted it to end. 'How can I keep this pleasure going?' he asked himself. 'If I try to do this in public, they'll arrest me and throw me in jail.' That's why Reginald invented The Sling. Just buckle her in and you can take her for the longest ride of her life. (A restaurant. A mother is forced to breastfeed her infant. Enter Reginald and his girlfriend in The Sling. He is offended by the sight of the nursing mother and approaches her.) Reginald: What do you think you are doing? This is a public place!
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Sauced in Space

To seek out new life and new bars. Yes, to seek out new drinks! How are you feeling this morning? I think I had one too many Denuvian brandies last night. Get up to the bridge. The ship is spinning out of control. I saw the helmsman coming out of the bar earlier. Looked like he had one too many Red Martians. The engines are making funny noises. I think if you examine the engineer, you'll find a mickey of Solarian scotch on his person. We'll never make it to the party planet if this keeps up. Calm down. Here. Let me pour you a drink.
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Money to Burn

In the 1600's, the king, fearing rebellion, opened up history's first credit company. To all subjects: It has come to my attention that a large number of you who have been struggling financially wish to surround and kill me. There is no need for this. If you need help with your payments, the royal treasury is available for you. Loans will be handed out in shillings, crowns, or Spanish dubloons. As long as you pay it back in time, I won't send men to your farm. So just calm down. It's never the end of the world as long as you keep putting it off until next year. But some of the peasants didn't have the collateral to apply for a royal loan, and a certain infernal entrepreneur took advantage of their desperation. To all souls: We might not all be equal in the eyes of the rich aristocracy, but I see things differently. I know that a person can still be valuable, even if they own no property. I realize that keeping up a decent image is important for you and that you can't do it without money. And I have the most decent image in the world because I have so much money. So much. I'm telling you, I have money to burn...
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End Quote

(A book burning.) Leader: (holding up book) Here's one that says 'Just because you use big words doesn't mean you're very smart.' Mob: Burn! Burn! (He throws the book into the bonfire.) Leader: Here's one that says 'A stitch in time saves nine.' Mob: Burn! Burn! (He tosses the book into the flames.) Leader: Here's one that says 'You have taken your cowardice for good sense and found comfort in deceiving yourselves.' Mob: BURN! BURN! BURN! (He throws the book into the fire.) Leader: This is the best one of all. Here's one that says 'Where they burn books, they will eventually burn people.' Mob: BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN! Leader: Wait a minute. I think my grandfather wrote this. Mob: BURN! BURN! (They take the book from him, pick him up and throw him into the fire. His cry of agony expires shortly. Then they throw the book on top of his charred remains and jump up and down, cheering and high fiving each other.)
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

The Mythmakers

Hood: We must rob the rich and give to the poor. Scarlet: Says who? Hood: Says Herne. That's who. Scarlet: Who's Herne? Hood: He's lived in the forest for the last million years. He is tall and kind of furry. And he has a look of authority that comes from having the head of a moose. I think we might be related. Scarlet: I'm almost convinced for some reason. Gisbon: He's lying! Scarlet: Oh yeah? Why should I trust you? Gisbon: Because my grandfather slew the dragon before it could devour every citizen in Sherwood. Scarlet: That's right. I forgot about that. Tuck: Don't listen to him! Scarlet: Since when does a friar embrace pagan gods? Tuck: Pagan gods like Herne are one of the Lord's miracles.
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Put Your Heart In It

Voice: Volunteering gives you experience. (An office. A worker has just received bad news.) Worker: That's easy for you to say. You still have a job. Other: Well, I'm only a volunteer. Worker: Volunteer? Other: Since childhood I've had an interest in human resources. Voice: Volunteering gives everyone more options. (A hospital admitting room.) Nurse: (to patient) Yes, we can do the operation for that price, but the surgeons will all be volunteers. Voice: With volunteering, there's no crisis we can't handle. (Blindfolded hostages of a holdup.) Negotiator: We've talked them down into just keeping one hostage. Who wants to volunteer? Hostages: (frantically) Me! Me! Pick me!
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© 2007, 2012. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.