Dear Mister Prime Minister

If I wrote a letter to the prime minister about my predicament, I might put it something like this. Dear Mister Prime Minister, My mother still has the picture of you posing with her on the sixtieth anniversary of D-Day celebrations. She was thrilled to meet you. Are you aware of what happens to Canadian talent on the internet at the hands of foreigners? It seems that my Canadian work has been used to reward foreign fiends for stirring up hate against me here at home. I thought hate crimes were illegal. If I were prime minister, I would ban foreign broadcasts until I was paid for my work. And I would tell the RCMP to round up all the poisonous creeps who spread lies about me on the internet and trample them under the hooves of their horses. Mister Prime Minister, I went to lawyers for help on the violations against my work when I first noticed them in 2006 or 2007. With my views and comments blocked I was unable to prove my popularity. Left to believe that I was going mad, I removed my work from the internet and pursued an ordinary life. Six years later my work has made its rounds through commercial radio and television, making my detractors rich. And now it has fallen into the hands of American reporters, who are using it to boost their ratings with sensational trials around its ownership. So for the second time, IS THERE ANY LEGAL HELP FOR ARTISTS WHO CREATE COPYRIGHTED WORK OR IS SUCH HELP ONLY AVAILABLE FOR BUSINESS OWNERS WHO EXPLOIT COPYRIGHTED WORK? I am currently embroiled in a legal struggle over comedy sketches that I posted in 2007. I erased them from the internet at the end of that year, but I did not relinquish my ownership of them. As soon as they were erased, they were seized by non-artists and cashed in on commercial television. Since I posted them, the most intimate details of my personal life have been turned into dinner conversation for strangers who won't even greet me as they pass me in the street. I can't apply for a job like a normal person, and I must often depend on men's shelters for a bed and a meal. At the same time, I am often left with nothing to think of but the fun party everyone had with my music and writing and the lies about my intelligence and sexual preferences that kept the media away from me the whole time it was going - three to six years. And when someone on TV tells women that you are a sex offender and that you steal your art, you'd be lucky if women will let you even look at them again for the rest of your life, no matter what. The business has decided to let me stay unpaid and semi-homeless for the last three years since its crimes against me have become public knowledge. With my true story I fit right in with the delusional crackheads. Since I have not been incarcerated for asserting my ownership of this work online, I must assume that the offenders have been caught and prosecuted. What evidence was used to prosecute them? Why has it not been made available to me so I can be paid? A man in your position must agree that paying me for my work and compensating me for the crimes against me is the right and honourable thing to do. My mother and I would appreciate any effort you might make on our behalf.
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© 2007, 2013. Relived scripts by David Skerkowski in Ottawa. All rights reserved.